The Legal Zone
The Legal Zone
Money Talks - Talking About Money with Your Spouse & Children
On this episode of The Legal Zone, managing attorney Regina Campbell, of The Campbell Law Group, PA, discusses pertinent information on speaking to your partner and children about finances and/or money.
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hi I’m Regina Campbell and welcome back
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to the legal zone
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thank you everyone for watching our
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prior podcast and today we're here to
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talk about uh we're gonna do episode six
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of season one and we're gonna talk money
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talks how to talk to your partner your
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spouse your partner and your children uh
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this is actually a very important topic
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not just of course from a business point
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of view you can also have these
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conversations but normally the children
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are not involved in them this is really
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more geared towards how a family should
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talk about money
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what is normal for you know discussions
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between spouses and possibly partners
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right if you're not married
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and also of course how do you talk to
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the children about money and what do not
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talk to the children about because in
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many occasions you do not want to
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involve the children in discussions of
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money particularly that are
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adult-related that might even be related
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to maternity case child support or
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anything of that nature of who pays for
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this and who pays for
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that that becomes an issue that you put
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the child in an awkward spot
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so whereas I want to encourage everyone
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and we'll talk a little bit more on the
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podcast children should be involved in
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the conversation of money so that they
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understand the value of money so they
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have maybe allowances and clear-cut
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sort of um you know ideas about money
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but that are healthy
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not adult type conversations so this is
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why I kind of included the children and
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it should be something that both parties
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talk about both parents talk about how
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they should
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formulate and style sort of that
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conversation with the child or your
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children about money healthy
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conversations teaching them how to save
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it encouraging them to work maybe for an
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allowance
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uh each party should also make sure that
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they are sort of enforcing the rules or
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sort of the um
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the allowance earning you know ability
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so to speak at each party's house and of
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course the number one rule of children
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is never speak bad about the other party
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okay uh very important to always
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encourage you know uh you know mom
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thinks this and mom thinks that and mom
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says this that's wonderful honey mom's
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got a great idea
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same thing with dad there should not be
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any conversations in general about how i
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make the money and you don't make any
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money no one should ever be belittled in
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these type of conversations with the
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child and honestly not even between each
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other
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everybody contributes something to a
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marriage or to a partnership or
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relationship
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so it's very important to talk about
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that
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and that's a little bit about the
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children how to talk to children about
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money we're going to talk a little bit
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about the importance right now about how
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to talk money so to speak with your
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partner or your spouse
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often you find a dynamic in between
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couples that you split
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basically you know there might be one
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party that makes more money and the
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other party is more of a homemaker
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which often the homemaker doesn't have
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as much experience or information
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regarding the finances of the parties of
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the husband of the household in general
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and i think you know even if that split
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of the dynamic remains i mean let's say
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one party is just better at handling the
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money or making sure the bills get paid
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um you know
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that's okay but i do think it's a
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healthy discussion for partners and
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spouses to be able to speak to money you
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know speak about money with each other
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it should not be a taboo it should not
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be something that's not transparent
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unless that is a hallmark of your
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relationship and everyone keeps
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everything separate in which case that
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is what you do and that's okay too
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my biggest concern is
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parties and spouses not on partners not
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understanding
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you know who pays for this who pays for
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that potentially there becomes animosity
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and misunderstanding about where the
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money is going there's decisions being
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made by the person spending the money or
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potentially wanting to save it these are
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things that are very important
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communications between the
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spouses and parties and it helps
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alleviate potential tension and issues
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later down the road when you discuss how
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the family money should be spent or
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saved for that matter remember this is
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not just about being spending money it's
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also about saving money and making
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specific decisions to make a plan short
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term plan
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middle midterm plan and a long term plan
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you know with money and trying to follow
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it and it keeps sort of everyone on
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track
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it also may help the family feel more
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like a dynamic the party making uh the
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money even if it's one or both of you
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might feel more appreciated that the
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money is just not spent as if it's not
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understood how hard it was to make it
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um you can make decisions okay honey I’m
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going to eat lunch let's eat lunch
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Monday Thursday Monday Wednesday and
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Friday friends sunset
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you know from home let's not order in
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that little bit of money we can save
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over here everyone then is involved in
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the conversation so to speak both
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spouses about how they're going to deal
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with money and it alleviates honestly a
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lot of tensions and potentially
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overspending on many occasions which
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leads to a lot of stress and families
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and relationships when you don't know
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how to manage that money or where it's
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going or one party's putting more stress
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on the other because a lot of times you
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have different styles or perceptions of
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money particularly that come from when
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you were raised depending on what you've
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seen
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so and it can lead and you know there
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are some of us so to speak that have a
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shopping addiction you know
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uh that could cause actual problems
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right because it could just lead to
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significant uh burden on debt
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and sort of the family resources and it
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requires them people to work you know
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one of the parties or both the parties
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to work more
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okay so these are people don't usually
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think about it money in this manner
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especially between each other but these
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are choices that we make to some extent
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on how to structure household and talk
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to each other okay and how to run it so
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i think it's very important from the
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beginning where you kind of just start
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having frank conversations
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if you are going to have separate
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accounts be very clear honey I’m gonna
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have this account with my mother
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she funds it this is for me you know
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this is for these type of expenses
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um or I’m going to keep this money
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separately because you have your own
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separate savings account this is kind of
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the way that I was taught but at least
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there's not an issue of who's hiding
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what okay now I do know I mean I’m I’m a
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family law attorney uh do I know that
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people do this intentionally to hide
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money potential for divorce purposes or
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for sort of planning purposes of course
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i do um
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but therein lies the other problem if
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you're having those type of discussions
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or issues happening with money and you
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have the hiding and the divorce planning
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or potential even if they're not
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planning on getting divorced but they
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want to make sure that the other spouse
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or that spouse if you ever get a divorce
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one day your the other spouse is going
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to be left on the street or can't find
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the money that is something that the
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other spouse needs to be very keenly
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aware of
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that means that there's a control factor
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going on there and there's something
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that you should be looking at to make
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sure okay he's putting this money or
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she's putting this money away I’m not
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going to have access to this
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is this really truly a partnership in
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that manner are you having these
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difficulties in the marriage where
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you're showing signs of potential he
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could break apart or distrust it also
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could be an indication where you need to
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go to therapy and potentially work them
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out
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if you have a different dynamic going on
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it looks like someone's waiting to sort
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of leave which is unfortunate but it
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does happen it's important to actually
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know what kind of money the other person
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makes
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what bills there are
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what needs to be paid how much money you
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need to survive if something should
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happen
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and often people just think of divorce
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but people you know i know a lot of
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families that they are happily married
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and one of them dies
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and the other spouse has no idea where
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the money is how to pay bills what you
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know what it costs to live what kind of
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money they're going to need in the
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future what the children may need so
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money overall is a really important
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topic and very important to maybe even
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talk to financial advisors with talk to
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your accountant with it's something to
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be actively managed and discussed in a
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family
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so this is more of rather than a
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specific with divorce or family law and
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what to do there is some elements of
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that that have concerns that i think
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someone should be aware of however this
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is really more about the importance of
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money in a family unit whether it's a
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partnership or spouses and of course
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with children remember whatever you do
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as parents the children are going to
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learn they're going to absorb from it so
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it's very important to have these sort
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of
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basic foundational questions that will
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live with your children very young
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and of course you need to set that model
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you need to set that example for your
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children and for each other i think it
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will alleviate quite a bit of tension
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it's usually what i see here
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particularly with family and divorce uh
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paternity with paternity or it's divorce
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cases
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often a lot of the stresses
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come from money
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from who spends money who needs what
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money whether something is really
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necessary not necessary expectations are
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high so in of itself it might even be if
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you're able to get that topic under
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control it might even be able to save
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your marriage or your family union unit
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if you're not married
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and if and if it's not if there's other
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tensions other issues that are leading
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to this difficulty well at least you
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have some understanding or
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responsiveness responsibility to
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understand what expect what's expected
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if you do end up in a divorce or in
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death that way you can plan potentially
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life insurance and other alternatives in
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state and state planning and so forth so
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again it's really important uh you know
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to have these conversations they're
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healthy i know that sometimes they're
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taboo
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there's potential control factors which
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you need to also consider too if there's
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a
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kind of a you know it's a sign also if
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there's severe control factors with
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money that
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there may be an abusive relationship
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dynamic going on as well you may want to
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kind of look at that uh you know
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sort of wholeheartedly and honestly with
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yourself to see what can be done and
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maybe talk to someone about it but in
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general as you can see money is the over
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lining topic over many different issues
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within a family unit so i thought it was
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very important to have this discussion
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hopefully it's been very helpful if we
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have any particular questions you know
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let me know um you know I’d love to have
9:53
a podcast about something specific if
9:54
someone wants to say something or want
9:56
some
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specific question answered
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and i want to thank everyone for
9:59
continuing to tune in hopefully this has
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been helpful
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